Conspicuous Dancer (Pray for Me)

September 2023 has been quite an eventful month in my healing journey. As I continue to become resensitized to life after many years of being heavily guarded, I am gradually more affected by Emily’s death. I think I felt her absence as much as ever this year. That’s probably clear from the Remembering Emily post from last week.

In that place of grief and longing my heart was ripe for another song to be written. As with “She’s Alive,” the way Emily’s short life reached into the depths of my heart brought up some of my deepest hurts from limerence with it.

The initial inspiration for the subject song came on Tuesday, September 12, while I was driving home (to work) after taking my youngest son to daycare. I thought about how my limerence object might have felt about being so important to me. From conversations with him while I was limerent toward him, he didn’t understand it, but I never knew how he really felt about it.

Thinking about this triggered some old thoughts and feelings again, and I felt like this song needed to be written. It’s a prayer from the heart of a limerence experiencer who knows only God can help him or her be free.

Conspicuous Dancer (Pray for Me)
Please forgive me 
I just hoped he was the one
All too quickly his face shined just like the sun 
And he became absolutely everything to me 
Except almost everything I wanted him to be 
Well, I can only imagine how that must be 
Caught in the middle between a lover's dream and reality 

Pray for me 
To know I'm loved though he won't feel the same for me 

All things new now 
That's the hope to which I cling 
Lord, will you please show me how 
To find your reasons to sing 
So I proclaim you're absolutely everything to me 
No exceptions - you're everything that I will ever need 
Though I can only imagine how your glory 
Outshines the fire in his eyes, I'll witness it for eternity 

Pray for me 
To take things step by step as you make the way for me 
Pray for me, please 
Not to let this take any more joy away from me 

Impossible, unconquerable, an unclimbable mountain 
This situation is without you 
But faithful, trustworthy, an all powerful fountain 
Of life you are, and it's my calling to tell the world about you 
And what you've done - you are the only one 
Who strikes down lies with the truth 
And restores hope to the hopeless 
So give me strength and peace and let your praise increase 
Your love is all I need and I'll settle for no less 

Let your light shine 
In my heart for all to see 
May I never undermine 
All the great things you've done for me 
And still are doing 
Questions still remain but you're always the answer 
So now I'm learning to be a conspicuous dancer 
I can only imagine how you'll transform me 
The work is far from complete 
But it's amazing what you've done already 

Pray for me 
To persevere no matter what life has for me 
Pray for me, please 
To keep on living like the truth has set me free 

For indeed, you have set this now conspicuous dancer free

TheLoneMingler