Remembering Emily – 4 Years

Emily has been in the presence of Jesus for more than 4 years now. I remember the quiet of the Sunday afternoon of September 8, 2019, as Emily’s 14-inch-long, 2-pound body lay in a cooled bassinet. The hospital staff had put up a sign on the door to our room saying the “patient is sleeping.”

At the time, I assumed the sign was simply referring to me. It strikes me now that perhaps they also used this sign to convey the sad message that in fact the patient’s baby had died. In either case, we were visited very infrequently throughout the day, so we had plenty of time to say our goodbyes. I kissed her head so many times that my husband felt the need to remind me she was not here anymore but in Heaven.

Emily At Four Years Old

If all had gone as expected, she would have been born Thanksgiving week in 2019, so she would be not quite 4 years old. But since she went to Heaven early, today is her 4th birthday. I imagine her as 3′ 2″ with beautiful, long, blonde hair and a love for bubbles, butterflies and horses – maybe tigers too.

Her personality is beyond my imagination, I’m sure. That’s something I’ll have to discover when I get to meet her after the Lord takes me home. I do know I will love every bit of her just like He does. (Right here, as I was writing that last sentence, is when my tears escaped and flowed down my cheeks. Praise God that we know, not just hope, we will meet her someday.)

Remembering Emily Activities

Here are the ways I am honoring Emily this year.

Memory Journal

Common Ground Church held a Grief Share event on August 19, 2023, to guide those in attendance through a memory journal making process. Unfortunately, due to a scheduling conflict, I had to leave early and am still putting the finishing touches on the journal. However, I felt I could not miss this opportunity to make a memory journal of my own.

This journal is dedicated not only to my precious daughter but also to my very kind and generous paternal grandfather who died in 2010. As such, I selected materials available at the event that best reflect some of the things I remember or believe about their lives.

On the cover, the trees remind me of my grandpa’s love for fishing on the lake, which was surrounded by trees. Inside, the “YAY” print with the lavender background reflects Emily’s favorite color (purple) and her likely cheerful spirit.

As I am reminded of memories with my grandpa, I will write a new entry into his half of the journal. Likewise, whenever I think about a new development milestone Emily would have reached, that will be described in a page on her side. I look forward to rereading what I will write over the next few years.

Gravesite Visit with Four Purple Birthday Balloons

I visited Emily’s gravesite with purple birthday balloons as is my annual tradition. This time I also purchased a sparkly, silver star balloon weight, which I thought she would like. The lamb we received at her memorial service is also included for a softer touch.

New Tradition: Reading of 2 Corinthians 9

My mind was made with a memory that works best when I associate significant events with numbers. (Hence my ability to remember everyone’s birthdays so well.) To build upon this, I have started associating Bible verses that have chapter and verse numbers corresponding to a specific month and day to certain significant dates.

Since Emily’s birthday is September 8, I read through the verses in each book of the Bible that has a chapter 9 and verse 8. The best verse is 2 Corinthians 9:8, “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.” I am working on memorizing this verse because it happens to have great significance in my life even aside from now being associated with Emily.

As a result of this, I felt it would be good to start a new tradition. Every year from now until we get to meet Emily face to face, we will read 2 Corinthians 9 at her grave.

Molly Bear

This year, I ordered a Molly Bear. Currently, there is a 3-month waiting period from the time of the order, so I do not have the bear yet. I will update this post with a photo once I have it. In addition to embroidery of her name and birthdate, I expect the bear to have a purple bow and butterflies, possibly lambs.

Most probably, I will be somewhat overcome with emotion when the bear arrives. If the 3-month waiting period holds true, it will be delivered on or near the anniversary of her due date. Adding to this, simply imagining feeling the weight of the bear in my arms, matched to Emily’s birth weight, fills my heart with motherly love and a wave of loss.

It will be so good, though, to have the Molly Bear to use in future family photos. Previously, we have used the lamb, but the bear will show Emily’s name and otherwise reflect what we know of her. Look for this in our 2024 holiday photos!

Golf Tee-Box Memorial Sign

Hope Mommies is holding its first annual Golf Classic tournament on October 23, 2023. All hope families have the opportunity to purchase a dedicated tee-box memorial sign. These signs will display the names of children who were gone too soon to all who traverse the golf course that day.

Emily’s name will be among those on display. Since I will not be able to attend in person, I will ask another hope mom to take a picture of it for me. The picture will be added to a future update of this post.

Hand-Painted T-Shirt

The other day I visited my local Michael’s craft store primarily to purchase supplies for a painting I made for Arcade Church’s art night, coming up on September 15. While there I also purchased a purple T-shirt to design a hand-painted shirt in honor of Emily.

The design is not yet ready to share but I will update this post with photos when it is. Depending on how much my family likes it, I may design a digital version and order it for all of them as well.

Happy Birthday, Emily!

Today we are four years closer to seeing our darling daughter in Heaven. Dearest Emily, we hope you feel loved and celebrated as much there as you are here on earth. Love, hugs, kisses and richest blessings to you. Please give Jesus and Grandpa a hug for me – and Jesus, please give Emily a hug back for me. Happy 4th birthday, Emily!