First Impressions and Second Chances

This is a topic that is very close to my heart, so I hope I can do it justice in this post.

You have probably heard and agree that first impressions are very important, since they tend to be some of the more prominent memories you have of anyone you meet or anything you do. They can make the difference in whether you go to a particular restaurant again or not, get a particular job or not, or have a second date or not. I’ll admit I am not always good about giving something a second chance if something about my first impression of it was not very pleasant.

However, first impressions are not always reflective of the true nature of that person or thing. The waiter(ess) at that restaurant may have been experiencing some particularly difficult personal circumstances and that caused some delays in service due to being distracted, but (s)he was doing his (her) best at the time. That potential hire whose bright ideas didn’t seem to fit with your company is much more of an asset than (s)he is able to convey in an interview. During the date, that guy/girl said something so insensitive or rude that you can’t imagine a second date with that person, but it was simply a misplaced remark that was not meant to offend.

People aren’t perfect; we all have weaknesses and sometimes they show on the outside, but that doesn’t mean we don’t deserve a second chance. In fact, if you give us that chance, we might surprise you with the awesomeness of who we really are and/or otherwise add pleasantness to your life.

When Second Chances Aren’t Enough

It is fairly easy to give second chances, but sometimes second chances lead to second offenses. Sometimes, particularly when it comes to someone in your family or a close friend of yours, it is necessary to keep giving chances beyond the third, fourth, or nth time. This becomes increasingly difficult every time, of course, and there are limits in each case, but I would encourage you to give as many chances and as much grace as possible to those in your life who challenge you in that way. Do this out of love, even if they have rejected you and broken your trust more than once. Keep in mind that prayer always helps when your own limits are reached.

That last statement applies even more when the second chances are to be directed to someone outside your family who has caused great harm to your family. If anyone has killed, raped, abducted or otherwise seriously traumatized you or someone you love, I can only imagine how difficult it would be to even look at that person, let alone forgive him or her. But the Bible instructs us, “as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive” (Col. 3:13). That person may have deeply offended you, but we must remember we all have deeply offended God with our own sins, and He has forgiven us. Our sins may seem to pale in comparison to the sins of murder or rape, but we are sinners nonetheless, in need of forgiveness. Remember the wrongs you have been forgiven and how amazing God’s love is to have forgiven every single one of them. In return, ask God to help you forgive those who have hurt you. It may take years depending on how great the offense, but He is faithful to heal and help us as we have need.

Transformative Chances

I have a passion for prison ministry because I believe everyone can change for the better. The gospel message can often be all the more effective when spoken to prisoners because once they receive Christ, everything changes. Their attitudes and behavior improve, their relationships with family members can be mended, they go on to tell their stories to others who are moved to accept Christ as well. It’s evidence that miracles absolutely do happen when you see transformation like that take place in a murderer’s heart. I hope that the next time you hear about or (God forbid) experience the crime of such an offender, you will take the time to pray for that person as well as the affected families, because God can do some of his mightiest work through such lives.